Non, je ne regrette rien
"All god does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring."
22/cis female/Northern Virginian/Ginger. Pansexual and grey-to-aromantic. Best friend/husband/sister is Chatvert, who you should follow because she's hilarious.
Sherlocked, Whovian, Trekker, obsessed with Star Wars, Supernatural, and basically anything British TV related. T-minus 2 years until I move overseas.
Writer, rock climber, horse wrangler, guitar player, and generally just fucking awesome person.
Oh hey, it’s been a while.
Between school, and depression, and Homestuck, and the other blog, I don’t think I’ve posted here in months.
My bad, yo.
It is Penis Friday, and I have yet to see a penis.
Is tumblr broken?
I am involved in a somewhat messy, complicated, friend-engagement-relationship. When I say it’s messy and complicated, what I really mean is it isn’t. At all. But no one understands it. And of course when people don’t understand something, they feel the constant need to judge it.
He’s fit. I’m fit. He’s bisexual. I’m pansexual. He doesn’t believe in serious closed marriages, and neither do I. He doesn’t want kids, I don’t want kids. We have a lot in common. We get along. It’s a good situation. He has things I need, and I have things he needs. I want to live in the UK and get fed vegan food I don’t have to cook, and have lots of sex. He wants to have lots of sex, have someone bake for him, and have steady access to my (incredibly shitty) porn. We both want to be free to pursue other people. There’s nothing wrong with that, and it’s not complicated.
But everyone wants to make it complicated, or judge it. I have one friend who understands it, and she is my lady husband, and she understands it because IT’S NOT DIFFICULT.
I want a stable relationship. I want to live with someone who I enjoy, who makes me laugh and makes me happy. Stable relationship DOES NOT IN ANY WAY equal monogamous relationship. I’m not capable of a monogamous relationship right now. Maybe at some point in the future, but not now. And why would I want one? I’m young, and sexy, and I can never contain my feelings to just one person. Why would I force myself into a monogamous relationship when I KNOW I’m just going to cheat anyway? What’s the point of all the bullshit?
That’s the point of this. No bullshit. No jealousy, no cheating, no stupid fighting. And everyone looks at me like I’m fucking insane because I’m happy being with someone who is happy being with other people and happy that I want to be with other people.
There is absolutely nothing complicated, messy, or worthy of judgement about the basic premise of this. But when other people get involved, it becomes a problem.
We both have a mutual friend who feels the need to get involved. They have feelings for him, and it’s completely not reciprocated and completely ridiculous. Last night it went overboard. Without going too much into the details of what happened, I’ll just say that this person (in my opinion) was so frustrated by what’s going on between me and him that they were actively trying to force him onto someone else.
Which is fine. I honestly don’t care who he sleeps with, and I expect the same of him. What I do care about is people, who don’t understand the situation AT ALL, trying to get in the middle of it. It’s NOT YOUR RELATIONSHIP. I know how you feel. I’ve been in the situation before where I’ve fancied someone who didn’t return it. So you either choose to stay friends and never talk about it again, or you get out of their lives and continue to bask in your unrequited feelings. One or the other.
You can’t have a middle ground. You can’t stay in their lives, and constantly nag them about stuff. Friends don’t nag. You can’t constantly rub your feelings in their face. That’s not okay. And most importantly, you can’t/shouldn’t/why would you try to alienate me or make me jealous?
You want a relationship with him. That’s awesome. You most likely want a monogamous, closed, completely boring relationship. Great. That’s not what I want. I want to be able to do whatever I like, then have someone I can come home to at the end of the night, and cuddle and swap sex stories. It’s not monogamous, not closed, not boring. But they don’t seem to understand that, and their constant jealousy infuriates me like nothing else.
It’s not my fault we like each other. I DIDN’T CHOOSE THIS. It just happened. I didn’t choose for him to not like you. It just happened. So how exactly is any of this my fault.
HOW EXACTLY IS ANYONE’S RELATIONSHIP EVER ANYONE ELSE’S BUSINESS?
I am a legal, consenting adult. I am of (mostly) sound mind and body. I have made a decision about my life, that doesn’t involve ANYONE ELSE except for the person that I’m making the decision with. So why does everyone constantly feel the need to nag me about it?
No, it doesn’t make sense. No, it’s not normal. That doesn’t make it unhealthy, and it doesn’t make it wrong. Just because you don’t understand something, doesn’t give you the right to judge it or try to interfere in it.
Fuck me. Alright, I have to stop here before I just start screaming at my laptop. Rant over.
But first, I need a cigarette and more alcohol, because this is a personal rant about my personal life which is sure to seriously offend several people IN my personal life and they may decide to kill me.
Suicide by pissed off followers.